


Tattered

by merryygoround



Category: Mötley Crüe, The Dirt (2019), The Dirt: Confessions of the World's Most Notorious Rock Band Book - Mötley Crüe & Neil Strauss
Genre: Getting Together, Happy Ending, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-22 04:04:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20867903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merryygoround/pseuds/merryygoround
Summary: Nikki is no stranger to the pain he feels when he has to pretend he doesn't have feelings for his best friend, but when Tommy comes to Nikki for outfit advice to go on a date Nikki cant help but let those feelings break the surface.Im so bad at summaries don't hate me okay bye





	Tattered

Nikki was not a spiritual person, but he was pretty sure if there was a hell he was in it. Tommy had burst through the threshold of Nikki’s bedroom with a self satisfied grin on his face and an extra bounce in his step. Before Nikki could ask what had happened to cause the young drummer to look even more cheerful than he usually does, which is quite a feat, when Tommy spoke in his loud boisterous tone. “I have a date tonight, Sixx! I think it’s for real this time, I might fall in love for real dude!”

The younger boy didn’t notice the look of raw pain that flashed in the bassists eyes before quickly being replaced with a fake smile, he was too busy making a mess of the already disastrous pile of clothing on the older mans floor as he began picking up various items before shaking his head and dropping them back to the ground. “Who’s the lucky guy?” Nikki asked in a bored tone as he took in the sight before him, trying to appear disinterested.

“Oh no one you would know, he actually didn’t even recognize me from Motley because he’s not super into rock or whatever, so like he’s going out with me for  _ me  _ Nik.” The younger man stressed. Nikki furrowed his brows at this because _ why would Tommy go for someone who wasn’t into his music? _ To Nikki, the sexiest and most intimate thing to him was music. The look on ones face when playing them the rough draft of what he was sure was going to be their next big hit. Nikki cant help but let his mind wander to the memory of Tommys rapt attention as he drummed out a beat to go along with his roughly written melody and half assed lyrics. The rush of shared passion for the piece they were creating as they locked eyes after the song began to come together.  ** _Wait snap out of it Nikki._ ** _ You don’t get to feel this way, you are not allowed to think of him like this. _

When Tommy had first told Nikki that he liked guys, Nikki told him that it didn’t bother him but “don’t try that shit on me unless you wanna lose some teeth.” Tommy had laughed it off and had just thrown a wink his way, not noticing the uncomfortable blush creeping on the older mans face. 

Nikki learned at a young age the negative connotations that went along with being gay. His revolving door of step dads along with all the boys he went to school with did well to drill this into him. The last time Nikki had been called a fag for wearing lipstick and high heels he proceeded to beat the fuck out of said heckler with those very high heels and that put an end to people bothering Nikki Sixx about his sexuality. Besides, he  _ couldn't  _ be gay. Have you seen how many women he takes home on a nightly basis?

But the truth is Nikki did like girls… but he also was into guys. He would never admit this to a living soul and it really was quite easy to ignore these feelings. So what if when Nikki saw a hot guy, he would purposefully act a little ruder than normal to rile the other man up. Maybe he would go as far as starting fights just to get to feel the touch of another man. Yes this was quite extreme and masochistic but this was Nikki we are talking about here and when you’re craving pure masculine energy, you aren’t allowed to be picky. So he spent the majority of his life content to pick some fights with hot guys and fuck as many girls as he could, and he thought he was okay with this for the rest of his life, truly. He didn’t need to fuck guys when he can just pretend to be straight, its not like he didn’t like girls too.

That is until Tommy Lee came into his life, Nikki was sure that the younger man was sent to him to be his own personal hell. From the moment Nikki first saw the drummer he had an overwhelming desire to find out how it would feel to get in-between those impossibly long legs. Tommy was not the type of man that Nikki usually sought after. No Tommy was much too pretty and good hearted to try to rile up with rude comments until reaching his breaking point and ultimately pushing Nikki into a wall and punching him right in the face. No Tommy was the type of guy that Nikki craved to press his lips against until he couldn’t breathe. He wanted to slowly take the younger man apart touch by touch until he had the drummer wrapped around his finger. 

But Nikki always made sure to not act on the feelings that occured when the other man was near. Tommy never thought much of the man’s standoffish behavior because Nikki was a weird guy in general. Besides why  _ would _ Nikki show any sort of affection or love towards Tommy. He was into girls and he respected that. He can’t say he wasn’t disappointed when the bassist had admitted that he was indeed very straight, but Tommy didn’t dwell on this piece of information for too long. He knew a lost cause when he saw one, and there was no way that Nikki fucking Sixx would ever see him in that light anyways.

Nikki was watching the drummer as he continued to dig through the last of the items of clothing before collapsing on the end of the bed that he was also sitting on with a groan.

“This is pointless, no one has any clothes in this house that scream ‘ _ hey i’m a respectable guy and am totally open for an early in life marriage’  _ no our clothes scream ‘ _ you’re the 3rd person i’ve fucked tonight, we are probably never going to communicate in any way after tonight’  _ I mean really do we not own any clothes that haven’t been destroyed?! _ ”  _ Tommy huffed out while Nikki stared at him in a mixture of confusion and a little bit of humor.

Ignoring the pain in his chest at the thought of Tommy going home with a nameless figure who  _ wasn’t into rock?  _ He cleared his throat before opening his mouth to speak to the stressed out brunette “You shouldn’t worry about your clothes T-Bone, hell you could show up in a rags and im sure he would still want to be with you” Why the fuck did he let that slip out.

Not letting himself dwell on what he just said, Nikki hopped up from his bed and went directly to the bottom drawer of the rarely used dresser because  _ who the fuck has time to fold clothes _ . He pulled out a few t-shirts that weren’t riddled in tares or unidentifiable stains. “They aren’t fancy or anything but they are cleaner than anything else you’d find in this place-” Nikki was stating before being cut off by Tommy crushing him in a giant bear hug while the drummer spewed out “Thank you, thank you! This is perfect dude im gonna look sick!” before taking the clothes from Nikki's hands and rushing out of his room.

Nikki stood in silence looking in the direction the drummer had just left through and felt the aching in his chest return at full force.  _ Get your shit together man _ Nikki shook his head before walking out into the empty living room before making his way to grab the bottle of whiskey that he had hidden in the back of the cabinet that held their small collection of cleaning supplies. The other men in the apartment would never open this cabinet so Nikki knew his booze would be safe there.    
  


Relishing in the burning sensation from the Jack that he had taken a swig straight from the bottle Nikki began to make his way back to his room when Tommy stepped out of his room.    
  
Tommy had his own jeans on that accented his legs that seemed to go on forever  _ perfectly _ while the simple t-shirt with a harmless Alice Cooper logo sat in the middle of his chest. He had paired the shirt with a leather jacket that paired perfectly with his black boots and  _ hey did he curl his hair??  _ Tommy noticed the bassist's stare and gave a teasing twirl.

“I think this is a better look on me than rags would have been, what do you think?” Tommy asked as he stared back at the other man.    
  


“You look,” Nikki cleared his throat “you look really good man. He’s one lucky man.” Tommy ruffled his brow slightly at the mans obviously conflicted tone. But  _ why would Nikki care about me going out with another guy?  _

Tommy decided not to push the issue and just smiled and thanked him again for the shirt and jokingly stated not to wait up for him while he went to grab his keys and cigarettes. As Tommy reached for the door knob he was suddenly pulled back by a strong grasp and before he could react he was spun around and being pressed against the front door with strong lips pressing against his own.

It didn’t take long for Tommy to burst into action, pressing back into the kiss and opening his mouth without even realizing. The older man let out a groan and took full advantage of the position as he thrust his tongue into the others mouth causing for Tommy to let out a breathy moan. This brought them both out of the haze that they had fallen under and they both opened their eyes at the same time.

Neither boy tried to pull away from the close embrace where Nikkis hands had ended up resting on Tommys waist while the younger man had a firm grip inside the dark locks covering the bassists head. Heavy breathing was the only thing that could be heard as they kept eye contact. 

Tommy could feel the doorknob digging into his lower back but he wasn’t about to risk spooking the other man into action. Afraid that the other man would freak out after realizing what he had just done. 

Then the unexpected happened, Nikki began laughing.

Of all the reactions, laughter was not what the drummer was expecting and the look of confusion on his face was apparently enough to cause Nikki to laugh even harder. Tommy frowned and removed his hands from their place inside the nest that is Nikki’s hair, looking a little put off and almost offended. “What the fuck is funny about this dude?” Tommy spat out in a sharp tone while still trying to remove himself from the strong grip on his hips.

This sobered up Nikki immediately and he was quick to explain himself “Wait, wait, I'm sorry. I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing at myself for being so fucking stupid when I should have done this months ago-” Tommy's face softened and he felt an overwhelming rush of relief, but also fear, what would this mean for them?

Tommy didn’t have too long to ponder on this because Nikki was moving his hands back and clearing his throat. “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done this, especially this way. You totally have a date. You should go.” The older man looking like he might begin to close off at anytime. Tommy shook his head with a short laugh “Man, fuck that guy, he didn't even know who Alice Cooper is.” He joked at the older man before initiating their second kiss, this one lasting much longer.

  
  


The true irony of it all is that Tommy's borrowed shirt ended up torn up, and discarded on Nikki’s bedroom floor anyways.

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to SaintsOfLosAngeles, devilshouted and StellaLux for inspiring me to begin writing again <3


End file.
